What’s Your Type?

“Before I met you, I had a few who hung around and made me blue. But I was always looking, I was always looking. Weeks and months turned to years, hiding underneath my fears. But I was always looking, I was always looking…I was always looking for you.” ~Dum Dum Girls, Always Looking

I get asked this pretty often. Typically this question comes after being asked why I’m still single, if I’m interested in dating and if I’ve tried online dating. (Most likely due to my lack of effort. Yes. No.) I never really know how to answer this because I’m attracted to all kinds of men for different reasons. If you lined up my ex-boyfriends and ex-husband you would notice they look nothing alike. Not a single one looks remotely like the other. What they do have in common is they were all immature party people. Most were funny, and they thought I was funny. That’s about it. So…I guess my type until now has been someone I was attracted to with the maturity level of a 22-year old and a good sense of humor. Cool. (If you’re not sure…yes, I’m being extremely sarcastic with the use of the word “cool” in that single-word sentence.)

You’re probably thinking, really? There isn’t a particular type of guy you go for? No. It’s hard to pin down into words, so I’ll just list celebrities and athletes I’m crushing on:

  • Carey Hart (Congratulations, Pink. If we met I would high-five you for landing that.)
  • Common (His face and that voice? Swoon city.)
  • Mike Matheny (One of my best guy friends also has a crush on him. We text about it when the Cardinals are in the playoffs every year.)
  • Charles “Peanut” Tillman (I once saw him run and move a female reporter out of the way from one of those flying cameras on the side of the football field. I was completely jealous of her. I also just recently saw him exit a plane in Kansas City. We made eye contact, I smiled like a love-struck teenager and waved like mad. He chuckled at my excitement, smiled back and nodded hello. Meet your crushes, kids.)
  • Conan O’Brien (How do you not have a crush on him?)
  • Brian Fallon (You listen to his music and read his interviews then tell me you didn’t fall victim to having a crush on the lead singer. I wish you the best of luck…)

See what I mean? I didn’t want to further confuse you by adding Jeff Bridges to the mix, but he’s in the mix.

Being the queen of overthinking, I decided to get my thoughts around this, and the only conclusion I can come up with is…stop picking dummies. Instead of telling people what I’m attracted to physically, I’m going to start saying things like…

  • My type is one who does not think waking up before noon is early…especially when he’s almost 40.
  • My type is a guy who has a career and not a job he has no intention of using as a launching pad to a career.
  • My type is a guy who is not just funny but kind. Actually kind to the core. Not fake nice because he wants to sleep with me.
  • You can’t like Nickelback. I’ve given this so much thought…and I just can’t with you if this is a thing. For a brief period I was trying to be open to this, but that door closed.
  • My type is a guy who has moved on from the party phase of his life. He still has fun, but he has also has fun doing things outside of a bar. He doesn’t drink until he can’t function anymore. I don’t have to carry him home because he can’t function alone or starts drunken arguments (or both). This is just a for instance….this totally didn’t happen to me nearly every weekend in my marriage…
  • My type is someone who likes kids. Even if he doesn’t have any or want any…don’t be an asshole. It’s on the same level as being rude to anyone in the service industry and being a bad tipper. I mean…you might as well like Nickelback.
  • My type is someone who is happy.

I think that’s a decent list, don’t you? I’m hoping this weeds out the dummies I seem to attract while keeping the door open for the wide range of men I’m attracted to. Now that I have my priorities in check, I guess I better start making an effort, eh? I might have to start warming up to this online dating thing…son of a…!!

Author: Penny Lame

I can find humor in almost everything. These are my stories.