“I don’t know where I’m going, but I sure know where I’ve been. Hangin’ on the promises in songs of yesterday. And I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time. Here I go again.” -Whitesnake, Here I Go Again
(Lyrics in remembrance of Casey and in honor of my bud Andy who helps me keep his memory alive.)
It’s been three days since my life was packed into a truck by three strange men and transported to Kansas City. I watched it all get loaded and crossed my fingers I packed well enough my things arrive in tact. Here’s hoping! I will find out in two days.
My sister is the best human and flew up to make the drive with me and my three pets. My cats have never been in a car for more than 30 minutes and my dog gets anxious. I was convinced this was going to be a disaster. It wasn’t. Well, except for the fact that as I was scruffing one of my cats to get into his carrier he did some ninja move to get out of my grip…and snapped my pinky finger. It took a minute for the pain to sink in, but oh…it sunk in. I refused medical treatment other than my own half ass tape job, ice and pain meds. Moving day was here, and nothing was stopping me! I’ve been having meltdowns for a month. No more delays. My sister agreed this was sort of fitting for the end of my time in Chicago. One last reminder that things aren’t shaking out for me. It finally, literally broke me, so it was time to get the fuck out already!
I was surprised on how I handled the drive out. I asked my sister if she would drive first in case I lost it. I didn’t lose it. I have been breaking down every Monday since the last week of August. And I mean full-on ugly crying, struggling to breathe sort of thing. Maybe I was all cried out. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have to see the skyline on the way out. Or maybe it was because my jerk of a cat broke my finger. Either way, I was good. Relieved almost.
The last few months made it clear my good friends will be with me always. Any city at any time. I think it was just relief that I could truly put the struggles I’ve had the last two plus years physically behind me. It’s insanely liberating.
And now, the time spent sitting alone in silence waiting for my furniture, things to sit on and scrambling to get my life set up is one I both hate but also appreciate. I am an organized person. Not having my things in closets and put away is irritating. The free spirit in me knows I’m going to remember these quiet and lonely moments when I tell this story in the days, weeks and years ahead…that time I uprooted my life and moved to small(er) town USA. I am doing my best to savor the calm before my life’s storm.
I have no idea what is about to come my way. I’m in a cute house that my family filled with food, toiletries, cute decorations and flowers. How lucky am I to have family like that in my life? I kept telling my sister I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because that’s how things have gone for me. She said the other shoe dropped first. Now it’s only good things ahead. For some reason I think she’s right.
I can’t wait to share these new experiences with you. Even today I had my first smaller city reminder. I received directions that went like this, “We are just two blocks east of Quick Trip and the lumber yard.” I didn’t giggle so she didn’t think I was rude, but I sure did when I hung up and texted my best buds about it. This is going to be a trip!
I will miss you, Chicago. KC…lets see what you’ve got in store for me!