“When faced with tragedy, we come alive or come undone.” ~Rise Against, Tragedy + Time
This has been a challenging but overall good week for me. I hit the one year mark of my divorce. Naturally, I’ve done a lot of reflecting, some crying, but mostly a lot of dreaming. I haven’t done a lot of dreaming the last year. I’ve been coping and trying to keep myself from falling apart. I’m happy to report I did not fall apart. I feel strong. I have this weird thing bubbling up that I haven’t felt or exuded in years called confidence. I didn’t even know that could still happen for me. With the exception of a slight hangover from my ladies’ dinner, I can’t remember the last time I felt so good. So free.
Life-changing breakups are just that. Life-changing. Emphasis on changing. They’re not life-ending. Even if it feels like it, you are still very much alive.
I didn’t have any close friends who went through a divorce, so I didn’t have anyone to relate to on that level. It was embarrassing in many ways. I experienced and learned a lot. Here are some of those things:
- You will learn who your real friends are quickly. Hold on tight to them.
- Don’t try to hang on to the friends who don’t show up to support you. It will feel like multiple breakups, but keeping them around is toxic. Kick those shitheads out of your life.
- If you actually process and deal with what just happened, you will be hard to be friends with at times. It will pass. Give it time. See bullet #1.
- You will have a night where you drink too much and talk shit about your ex to people you probably shouldn’t. Eh, it happens. Try not to spend too much time being embarrassed about it.
- You will feel lost. Like, lost in the woods without a compass lost.
- You will feel scared. You’re stronger than you know, so just take a minute to breathe when this happens. Then call one of those awesome friends or family members for support.
- You will sleep with a stranger. Make sure he is attractive so you feel better about it.
- You will meet new people. This is a good thing. Not all will become friends, but they popped in your life for a reason. Embrace them. Unless they suck. Then forget what I just said.
- You will make mistakes. So many mistakes. (see previous posts about dating a pussy and giving my number to a drug dealer)
- You will do great things. I lost 20 pounds and ran a half marathon by myself.
- You will be humbled by the amount of times you have to ask for help. Don’t feel like a charity case. People want to help you.
- You will want to shut the world out. DON’T! This is your chance to start over. Don’t become a bystander.
- You will learn you are a badass.
- You will feel like a badass.
- You ARE a badass.
Dreaming of the future and being hopeful that the best is yet to come is a feeling that took almost a year. Now that it’s here, I don’t want to let it go. If you’re going through a breakup, hold on. The pain phase is temporary. Your life is changing, but it’s also beginning. If you’re holding onto a bad relationship because you’re afraid to hurt, don’t. That, my dear, is life-ending.