New Year, New Me?

“So this is the new year, and I don’t feel any different. The clanking of crystal. Explosions off in the distance. So this is the new year, and I don’t have any resolutions for self assigned penance. For problems with easy solutions.” ~Death Cab For Cutie, The New Year

I hate this phrase. I really do. I only hate it because it’s bullshit and most people only half mean it. You have 365 days in the year to start over. You don’t have to wait until a specific date to change your life, your attitude, your shitty friends, your weight, your love life, etc. I do understand the sentiment of their being a light at the end of a 12-month tunnel. I get it. Sometimes it seems like life has taken a huge dump on you for consecutive months, and you’re looking for any sign of hope that your stretch of bad luck, dullness, boredom…whatever…is maybe coming to an end. I’ve been there. I might even still be in that boat a little bit. That being said, any day can be the day you wake up and change what you don’t like about your life. You don’t have to wait until 12:01 am on 1/1.

How did I spend my first day of this new year? I spent it like I spend most Sundays. I had a small headache from drinks the night before, and then I went for a run. I did some meal prep a couple days before. This isn’t new. I’ve been doing this on and off for the last two years. I just finally had some time off from work to get my life organized. Are you still with me? I know. How mundane and boring…for now. (Yes. That’s right. I just hit you with some foreshadowing.)

I’ve been in KC for three months, so my “getting settled” stories have faded. I am still trying to make friends, so I didn’t really have any crazy or funny stories to tell in the break room at work. I like having stories to tell. I didn’t make any resolutions other than saving more money. I know. BORING! At 8:34pm on 1/4, I resolved to change my situation. I decided, after 10 months of being afraid, stating what I think I would feel or do if I online dated…to actually find out. I can’t believe this is my life right now, but I finally broke down and joined the online dating world.

I’ll tell you what. So far…it’s just as ridiculous as I thought. Also, I realize I am not a selfie picture taker. While not helpful in my impromptu decision to create a profile, I’m pretty proud of that. I had to really search for photos, and I came up a little short in my opinion. My poor sister has to take some of me this weekend. I have been creeped out four times in the last 12 hours, which I feel like is a respectable amount of times. I mean…think about it. If no one was creeping me out, I’m not sure if I would feel safe or if I was doing it wrong. If I am putting up pictures even creeps didn’t want to creep on…is that sad or good? I have no idea! I am not scared for my personal safety yet, but I do feel ok with the level of weird I’ve seen so far. Wow. What a rollercoaster! Here are the odd things I’ve heard so far:

  • “Your profile caught my eye (I only have one), so I thought I’d say hello.”
  • “I’m sure you have gotten plenty of messages from dirty old men asking to be your sugar daddy or rent you an apartment.”
  • “If you’re not wanted from the law or recently escaped a mental institution, maybe we can get a drink.”
  • “Hi. How are you?” (This isn’t creepy. I just don’t know how to respond other than honestly saying, “Really uncomfortable.”)

What will tonight bring? Lord knows. I need to grow a pair and actually engage in conversation now. Baby steps, I guess… I did get one message that I feel comfortable responding to. After I go run in the snow after work, I am going to have a glass of wine, type something and hit send. Maybe… Is this real life?

Author: Penny Lame

I can find humor in almost everything. These are my stories.

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