“There’s no sign of life. It’s just the power to charm. I’m lying in the rain, but I never wave bye-bye. But I try, I try…” ~David Bowie, Modern Love
I took the opportunity while I was on vacation and traveling to read Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance. My friends have been suggesting I read it since last summer. My fears of online dating are widely known amongst my friends and family, and I think they thought this would help calm my nerves. They’re adorable. I can’t say it didn’t help. I can’t say it made me want to create an account either…at least not yet. We’ll see what the future brings, or rather what it doesn’t bring resulting in me caving and creating a profile.
What did this book do for me besides make me laugh and maybe not feel so bad about my love life? For starters, it made me think Aziz and I would be good pals. I realize this wasn’t the point, but still. Jokes, love of fresh pasta and taking to multiple sources to research and find the best taco for my taco craving? Mmm hmmm. I feel you, Aziz.
Secondly, it confirmed what I was feeling. I love/hate that technology now plays such a big role in the dating world. I am not a huge fan that texting overrides phone calls when asking someone out. I do like that it allows for easy ways to send someone a quick note to let them know you’re thinking about them. I hate the games played with texting – the time taken to respond to not seem eager or desperate (this is exhausting), the lack of thought put into the conversation and the dudes that forget you’re a person and not a screen. I’ve received some terrible messages and been spoken to in a way I know they would not say to me verbally or in person. (Those numbers are deleted.) On the flip side, he made a point about having documentation of a budding relationship. So, should things work out, you have your awkward and nervous initial conversations right there in front of you to reminisce over. That’s pretty cute.
What else? Ah, the guidance on what not to do should I ever dip into the online dating pool. (Please universe don’t make me do this.) Basically, it’s like this…get off your butt and meet these people. Quit spending so much time messaging back and forth. Once you determine they’re not crazy (this is where I will have the biggest problem – thank you, Dateline!), just go meet them in person. I agree with this, and I think this applies (to me anyway) with texting, too. If it never leads to someone asking the other out, what’s the point? If we have good banter, it’s obvious I’m interested and nothing? Why keep wasting time? I’ll assume you’re truly not interested and move on. I’ll also move on should I be the only one making the effort to keep the conversation going. I feel like a lot of people get stuck here. Too many messages, not enough dates.
Sexting. Still on the fence with this one. I have never had a reason to do this and my thoughts on this are…if you’re going for it just don’t include any parts of you that are unique and identifiable (like tattoos, piercings…your face!) so you can deny, deny, deny… Unless boobs are like snowflakes in that no one is the same, but I think you’re fine here.
Finally, the grass is always greener…until it isn’t. This can get tricky. If you find someone you get along with well enough on a first date, do you go out again or move on because it doesn’t blow your mind and there are so many options (seemingly) available online? According to Aziz’s theory, if you had a nice enough time and the other doesn’t seem like a crazy person, go for date two. I agree with this one. Being that I have mostly encountered losers, creeps and clowns the last year, I would go for date two even if I just had an average amount of fun. Initial conversations are usually overviews. I want to know the good stuff. I feel like date two is where you start learning some good stuff. If you keep going on first date after first date…zzzzz. What? Sorry, I fell asleep from being tired of thinking about only first dates. You get my point.
I think if you’re in a dating rut, scared to death of online dating, confused as to why the dating world looks so different since you were last single or just want some laughs (I just described my life), this is a good read. WARNING: He talks a lot about his love of food, so you’ll probably be hungry or want to seek out the best place to eat ramen in Japan. Which now I totally do. Who wants to go on a first date to Japan?