“I met her there in the corner stand and wonders where she is. And it’s strange to her some people seem to have everything.” ~Donna Summer, She Works Hard For The Money
(Once I sang this song walking out of one my old manager’s office after he dumped a lot of projects on me. He did not laugh. Even after I smiled and did a shoulder shrug to drive home the point I was kidding. You win some, you lose some.)
The last two years had been a revolving door of change. I moved twice, new city, new problems, new friends and new hobbies. I even had to get a new car because my old one finally crapped out and decided it was in charge of when it was in the mood to reverse…you get the picture. I’m busier than I can remember ever being since college, and for the most part that’s ok. My social life is a far cry from what it looked like in Chicago, but I’m working on it. Other than my cats, the one constant that has been with me the entire time has been my job. The dust has settled for the most part on everything else. I feel like, other than building my friend community, things have fallen into place. And yet…
I’m not content. I want more. I want this career thing I have been working towards to launch and literally start paying off. Do I have a good job? Yes. Have I reached my potential? Fuck no. I feel like I’m only getting started.
What sparked this you ask? Well, I realized something while paying my bills last week. Divorce is fucking expensive. I’m still dealing with payments and the aftermath of some finances. I’m just done with writing that check. Part of my income is still paying off that old life, and I feel like it’s taking a toll on me. It’s been two years! So I thought…now. Now is the time to start seeing what you’re capable of in moving up in the world. Why not, right?
How am I going to do this? I’m not really sure, but I will tell you when I have my mind set on something, it happens. I’m reading books, taking notes, making lists and devising a plan. I even started to take ten minutes a day to start meditating. (You can laugh, but I’ve never slept better than the nights I meditate to clear my mind from my crazy days.) People that are not as bright or driven as me have great jobs they love. I’m ready to make things happen for me.
Do I regret playing it safe so far? Yes and no. I could have made moves earlier in life. I could have made moves in my marriage, but his hours weren’t always great and I worried since I was the steady stream of income. My priorities were different. I can’t beat myself up for that. I can only learn and start dreaming big! In some odd way, I feel like the last two years has been the perfect mental training for this exact situation. Thanks to my terrible marriage, I know how to handle disappointment and rejection. Scraping by financially for a while taught me that I am scrappy and resourceful. Being at the lowest point in my life highlighted the support system I have sitting right in front of me. They’ll keep me motivated and reminding me to believe I can get what I want.
I’ve been focused on getting involved in things that mean something to me, trying to find a good guy and finding new friends since I relocated about 8 months ago. It’s been a slow start, so time to shift my focus. If I learned anything from my experiences in life, if you’re trying day after day to make something happen, and it’s not working, revise your plan. Not everything comes in the right order. Maybe my career is what my focus is supposed to be. Maybe it’s supposed to be my focus because that’s where I’ll meet new people I love and adore. You never know. I do know this focus feels right, so I’m going for it. Wish me luck!